Fierceness versus Resilience

Resilience versus Fierceness:

In the past, I recognize how I flip-flopped from under-resilience to over-fierceness. I would be so kind and open and then when I got hurt, would fire back and hold my stand rigidly. Often feeling like a doormat and then retaliate when I got hurt.

This counts for business also.

I would give away my gifts, my advice, my time only to find myself resentful towards the clients and fearful about my financial future.

Today, I feel much more balanced in those two areas.

In working with Lydia, my beloved business partner, I will take a stand, especially when it’s an educated one but will make huge efforts to hear her point of view and to make her feel valued and honored. I am often able to calmly discuss with her until we come to a point that we both feel good about.

In the past, I often would try to just “forget” my hurt feelings, avoid an honest discussion but then later stubbornly hold my opinion in some weird attempt to regain “status”.

Again, this applied to my work. If my webdesigner didn’t do what I told me to, I would get angry and demanding, holding my opinion without any ability to hear his point of view.

“Willingness” versus “Willfulness”

I have to think of a book I read about “willingness” versus “willfulness”. It seems to me to describe the relationship between resilience and fierceness. I have tried for some time now to be more willing and less willful.

Willing means for me to have patience, staying power, faith in the outcome without have to force anything. Willfulness seems to represent more the need to be right, on my schedule, on my terms. Kind of like banging my head again the wall. Never worked well!

Isn’t our economy showing us how this is not working today?

Today, I am finding myself more resilient with my work, my home, my partner, my practice. Not letting myself be sucked into the illusion that my desire for external outcomes (as I define them in the moment of impatience and self-protection) is making me happy.

“Winning” is not happiness, it’s ego satisfaction.

Resilience is more like the peaceful warrior, full of inner strength, based on inner values and vision, having staying power to make a lasting impression.

Ok, a bit of wandering of my thoughts but good stuff. In a couple weeks I am taking my “official” Bodhisattva Buddhist vows and I have taken much time to study, reflect and meditate on my innate desire for rigid fierceness, this desire for a certain outcome even if this outcome is only temporarily satisfying my desire.

My intention this week:

This week I would like to continue reminding myself of staying mindfully productive in the service of others. Staying strong to my values, my virtues and not giving in to quick fixes that are so easily obtained with enough fierceness.

May your week be calmly productive, steeped in faith, calmly abiding in knowing that being of service is the best, absolute best “marketing” strategy there is.

Love to all of you,

Christiane